A Different Kind of Hero

by Vance Farrell
(Allentown PA)

Billy Bob was a handsome guy
With Three good teeth and an ugly gold tie
Since he was small all the kids used to say
Billy Bob you're always in the way

Billy ran when all the kids gave him grief
Out along the shoreline, the baron hidden reef
There he would imagine a world full of love
Peace, harmony and praise from above

One early morning as Billy watched the sea
Dreaming of fitting in with kids such as he
Out in the water beyond the small waves
He saw a beautiful girl, he knew he must save

He dove in head first leaving his bow tie behind
With nothing but saving her on his mind
Through the thick waves he swam to her aid
Only to find out she had two wooden legs

“Why can’t you float with your legs made of oak?”
But she muddled and whined and gave a large croak
Her hair was blonde but her breath smelled of booze
But she had three shinny teeth, which lit his heart like a fuse

He grabbed her left peg with his overgrown right hand
And swam with the current to the warm summer sand
Up upon the beach he slapped her hairy back
To begin her breathing to avoid a heart attack

She spewed out some water all over her dress
Then smiled her three teeth and said, ‘My name is Tess.”
Billy looked into her eyes and his mind started to wonder
Could this be the friend he always had pondered?

Unknown to the two the sheriff had seen all
Because he stands around twenty-four feet tall
He was lurking in the woods looking for moon shiners
Those drunken hillbillies, the old gold rush miners

With five giant steps he towered above
And told Billy she’s a croak not your true love
You saved her with fearless abandon, the sheriff did say
And you’ll get a fine bounty for saving the day

But Billy’s heart began to quiver and quake
“This is my love, buzz off sheriff for God sake”
‘What you say Boy;' the sheriffs voice screamed
But Billy just bit him in the back of the spleen

The sheriff toppled over with a big thud
Crashing into the sea which turned into crud
He yanked Tess up on her fine wooden stumps
And they ran to the still behind the redwood stump

Once they knew the coast was clear
They ran back to town as fast as a spear
The town’s people knew they could not call him a zero
They had to refer to him as the town’s only hero

Billy now realized he was happy as can be
He had his true love and friends as far as the eye can see
Now he’s the town mayor with seven toothless off springs
The same legless wife who’s so happy she sings