Adult Stuff

by Amy Ekins
(Newcastle upon Tyne, England)

Adults pretend they’re mature and grown-up,
but they do plenty of things
that would make you say – YUK!
They try and keep it from you,
but I’m here to say
I’ll spill all the beans to you,
now, here, today.
Ready? Okay.

Grown-ups sniff the armpits of their clothes to see
if they smell clean or okay or – ew – sweaty.
They get hairy legs and hairy top lips as well
even the ladies – though shh, they won’t tell.
Adults get pimples and they get wrinkly too
they slap on the cream, but no matter what they do
the wrinkles keep coming, year after year
they’re jealous of kids’ skin –
but you didn’t hear it here.

Their bones make crunch crunch sounds,
and are awfully stiff
and after long days at work,
their shoes don’t half whiff.
They pop their zits in the mirror
and put their socks in the machine
and hope no-one will notice
that their pants aren’t that clean.
They do burps and do pumps
and have bogies as well
but remember – you didn’t hear it from me,
no - don’t you ever dare tell!