Clarity

by sarah lou
(dundee, scotland)

This headfu-k has gone on too long
Loneliness, pride and the brain manipulation is never ending even in good times
Brain hurricanes and loneliness entwining
The sore smile, the unknowing feelings
Declaring war on the outside to kill the inside
The dream of a death, a dream half unwanted, a dream kept so secret, that it destroys those around when it comes out.
Secret desires to be someone else, to be unknown, to be a star, to be thin, to be good, not to care
Thoughts so screwed up, so scary, so sore, only drinking will help
A brain so heavy, so fast, so empty, so full, so confused
The brain stops reacting, just like that
Wishing i was elsewhere, wishing no one would care, thinking it would be easier that way, wishing i was an island, being urbanised land is a minefield
Body beautiful, body thin, body fat, body ugly, body I don’t care.
I can’t do this, I should do this, I won’t do that, I want to do this
Shut the fu-k up, don’t leave me, I just need to be alone
A head fu-k within a head fuck
Am I crazy, or lost cause, can i be saved
Or am I lost already, when will my brain shut up?
It’s been so long, I don’t know any other way
It’s been so long, I don’t see any other way
Tomorrow is just another day.