DURESS!!

by DAMO!
(Dublin)

We both wanted sex without reproduction
We had to take steps towards risk reduction
But what seems so easy is not always so
And the problems we encountered I have outlined below

We used the Rhythm method as our priest advised
But when it did not work we were not that surprised
Because when you are in the mood for a little horse play
The last thing you need to be asking is “Is it the right day”?

So we tried out some condoms just for a change
I must admit using them was somewhat strange
But we tried every flavour, every brand name
Until we both agreed sex was just not the same

Ribbed for her pleasure but what about mine?
And they were wont to tear, they make them so fine
So we tried the condoms designed for women too
But they were a bigger disaster, an awful to do!

Next we decided that we would try the pill
But apart from the fact that they made her fat and ill
She was wont to forget it on any given day
Not ideal after we had made love the whole night away

We attempted to give up sex for a while
That was never going to work so we tried the coil
No luck with that, nor any cream or gel
So we gave up trying, what the bloody hell

We left all thoughts of safety way behind
And the sex got better, almost blew my mind
Though we knew it was not the best way ahead
It was our best time together, it has to be said

So we carried on using nothing at all
And six times now the stork has had to call
But tomorrow I go for my vasectomy
Because six is enough to be calling me Daddy!

© DAMO! 2013