Girl Trouble!

by DAMO!
(Dublin)

My wife got a job so I said I would mind our daughter
Let me just tell you I was like a lamb to the slaughter
My wife she said nothing, gave me absolutely no warning
of what I would have to endure each and every morning.

Breakfast is done love, now it’s time to get dressed
Please will you stop screaming, it is only a vest
If you straighten your arms this will be quick
If you keep screaming you will make yourself sick

You have not heard a single word I have said
it will not go on if you keeping moving your head
Why in God's name must you continue to roar
The neighbours will think I’m nailing your head to the floor.

It’s over your head now, Was that so bad?
I think you are just trying to drive me mad
there’s the sleeve now, just push your arm through
is that such a difficult thing to do?

Do not be getting yourself in a state
All you have to do is make your arm straight
That’s it done, now the same with the other
Oh give it up or I will tell your mother

I just have to close these buttons here
Oh all that crying but not a single tear
Will you look at your hands, they are making fists
How I wish to God we were Naturists

Carry on screaming, I could not care less
Because I have to get you in to this dress
You know very well that I have my instructions
And if you are not dressed your mother will cause ructions

Please stop kicking! you need these on your feet
A more difficult child I have yet to meet
Please give it over, I am nearly done
That’s it now! You look great Hon

Now for your hair, your mother said a ponytail
It can not hurt that much, why must you wail?
A quick wash of your face, why must you resist
You struggle more than any captured terrorist

Ah we are done, what a relief
Oh no! That is just beyond belief
Why did you wait until I had you dressed
To destroy yourself by puking up your breakfast?