Going through the Motions

by DAMO!
(Dublin)

A new phenomenon is the “Stay at home Dad”
I tried it for a while but it almost drove me mad
Though I must admit most times I found my son quite engaging
This verse tells of my problems when his nappy needed changing.

You do not look very happy, What is that awful hum?
Oh please no not your nappy! I cannot face your bum.
Ah you do not have to roar, this has to be done
I’ve not done this before, help me out here Son!

Sweet Lord that looks disgusting, the smell coming off it
My poor nose is close to bursting, it smells like a Slurry Pit
Please Son stop gyrating! keep your feet down!
Or she will think I was decorating, painting everything brown

Oh no for Gods sake! I thought you were done
Let’s just take a little break, let you finish that one
Get your hand out of there! That is not very funny
Oh God it’s everywhere and so goddamn runny

It’s all over your hair, on your face and your clothes
I cannot think of anywhere I could get a power hose.
They call this a Wipe! Well! that’s some kind of joke
Oh God what a smell, I think I am going to choke

A whole toilet roll gone but we are almost there
Now to get some powder on, Ah! It’s gone everywhere
Ah no you can’t be peeing! Oh it’s gone into my eye
I am having trouble seeing, do all kids pee so high?

Now I have cleaned up that mess, where is the sudocream?
Oh my God the stress, why must you shout and scream
Why will this nappy not stay on? why will it not stick?
When she sees six nappies gone she will get so thick

The nappy is back on, that stuff is in the bin
And the smell should be gone before your Mother gets in
What was that noise? Did I hear something just then?
Oh what a surprise! You have gone and pooped again!!