Mairi and Archie Go Cruising

by Archie Stuart
(Denny, Scotland)

It was last year that Mairi and Archie
Wanted to go on a cruise
Eat, drink, dance it'll be a party.
Like being at Butlins but on a ship
Once in a lifetime sunshine trip
It left Southampton mid June
They took part in everything
Getting up late at noon
And at the end of the day
There were games to play
One night Mairi had a sore head
'You go ahead have fun' she said
Before taking to her bed.
Games of that night had Archie in a vex
He pulled a mystery subject out of a hat
His ten minute talk was the subject of sex!
He was very nervous but he gave it his all
At the end applause reverberated round the hall
Later that night when Archie returned
Asking him what subject Mairi wanted to hear
To save her blushes he said 'Sailing my dear'
Morning came with Mairi feeling better
Down on deck to Mairi's surprise
Passengers greeted her with excited cries
'Oh your husband's speech was wonderful
He was very enthusiastic and knowledgeable.'
'Well I am surprised to hear that cos he's only done it twice
The first time on top he was terrible sick and couldn't breathe
And the second time he went below and lost his false teeth!!'