My Dog Ralph

by Alan Balter
(Northbrook, IL)

My Dog Ralph


Puppy dogs come in all shapes and sizes
Like tall, short, fat, and lean
Some are so beautiful they win prizes
And some aren’t if you know what I mean

Now my dog Ralph is a funny old mutt
With four eyes, two mouths, and two noses
Having a head at each end is unusual, but
It’s great for smelling the roses

A tongue hangs out from each of his faces
So Ralph is well-groomed and clean
But Mom always says, “We can’t take him places
He’s always so nasty and mean”

“The reason he’s mean,” I explained to my mom
While sitting out on the front stoop
“With a head at one end, and a head at the other
Poor Ralph has no way to poop”