Not Tonight!!

by DAMO!
(Dublin)

You see them in town, wherever you go
at doors of pubs and clubs especially so
They are known as “Bouncers” to you and me
But they insist they are “elite security”

There’s normally two of them guarding the door
And another few scattered around the dance floor
Standing around looking so hard and mean
With their monkey suits on, a sight to be seen

Some would say these men are absolutely thick
Those being kind would describe them as mono syllabic
But these bouncers will tell you they have a job to do,
keeping these places safer for me and you.

At nightclubs abroad, staff are dragging you in
Even when it’s obvious you are out of your bin
But at home they do everything to keep you out
Have these men any clue what they’re about?

Not that these men are blessed in the art of conversation
Anyone with a brain will feel nothing but frustration
They keep grunting “Not tonight”, it gets quite repetitious
when you try to make your case they often turn vicious.

Some look at you like you are some kind of faeces
the call for reinforcements echoes through their ear pieces
Like you pose some kind of clear and present danger
though those they are letting in look a hell of a lot stranger

“Private Party tonight” is a line they often use
But when your friends have just got in that’s the end of that ruse
They hate it though when you call their bluff
And their standard response is to start getting rough

Now if you are refused the worst you can do
Is lose your temper or even argue
Because then you will never get into the place
Because these men will never forget your face

If you have no joy, better just run along
Because these men swear they are never wrong
And it’s quite obvious at the end of the day
They don’t need an excuse to turn you away

It may be your face, your friends or your clothes
Too old, too fat, too young, God knows
It’s plain to see that to them it’s a game
And it’s hard to beat a suit with no name

Of course the men in these situations
Have completed courses in public relations
Always portraying a good attitude,
They are only being firm, not just plain rude

Now I wonder at giving these bouncers the right
To totally ruin a very good night
If they can’t just be pleasant, we ask nothing more
Is it not time to show them the door?