pain . 2 0 1 2 . closure

by Daisy Kizza
(Parktown, Johannesburg)

. . . I'm letting you go now

This year was pain and a soul laid bare
Where I bled myself dry from a tiny tear
In my heart - through my chest - a tragic art
When my pain made itself known everywhere
When it tainted my hopes and left me standing there
All alone - so distraught - completely unaware
That my world was soon to change with a truth unfair
When my false happiness birthed in me despair
With pieces of myself falling to the ground
Deafening my senses with the jarring sound
How heavy they all were - all the weight I put behind them
Echoing off the hollow in my chest - so loud
Shattering to tiny pieces when they all touched down
Throwing me wide and far - debris sky-bound
Blast radias - knocked me senseless from the mushroom cloud
And I woke with traces of me nowhere to be found
My shell was cracked open with a force I couldn't fight
I let it all in - convincing myself that it was right
To let the walls cave in and allow the light
To spread through me - thinking that maybe I might
Grow into a thing of beauty - let the darkness die
Into nothing and fade into the black and white
Of old memories - forgotten - and left behind
I did not prepare for the chance that I wasn't right
That I was wrong from the start and I ran ahead
Of these plans and I believed every word I said
I sat down on my Heart - had myself mislead
And I blocked out the facts and I lost my head
I didn't feel the wound until I saw the red
On my skin and my clothes - all the hurt I bled
All these things that meant so much to me - that I cherished deeply
Ended up of no use - they cause me pain now instead . . .

So here's to a year that I just might forget
Here's my apology to the good times that I will not regret
Here's to healing all the holes left in the stead
Of these things I let into love - that hurt me in the end
Here's to being cut down to who I was before
So that I could start fresh to grow even more
Here's to all the good things that I missed out on because of you
Here's to the better ME that I will be without you . . .

Here's to closure . . .