Take it Handy!

by DAMO!
(Dublin)

As long as I’m alive I will never understand
How so many people drive using just one hand
What about the other? You may well ask
It does one thing and another, it has many a task
When I did my test he made an awfully big deal
Of how it would be best to keep two hands on the wheel!

I think women should be banned for driving without care
Always using their free hand to touch up eyelashes and hair
A car is not the place, it is not a beauty salon,
to be examining your face, putting layers of make up on.
They cannot see where they are going with the mirrors adjusted
They have no way of knowing, they should all be busted

Now men are just as bad, we all know this is true
It really makes me mad to see what they get up to
I’m sure only God knows how it is they manage
With one finger up the nose picking like a savage
Then they have to find somewhere to hide their nasal trash
Their driving is in the air as they search under the dash

Men are not organised, they cannot manage on their own
why should we be surprised when they cannot find a mobile phone
When it rings they panic, have to search around
Their driving gets quite manic and accidents abound
This spare hand is used for smoking or holding the coffee
Or holding on to what they’re eating, never where it should be!

I have seen people at full throttle with a baby in the car
Using one hand to feed a bottle, for me that goes too far
And the signs this free hand makes as people drive along
To correct others' mistakes, to let them know they’re wrong.
How there are not more calamities, people must have luck,
with all of this activity the road is the last place they look

We now have “hands free”, a fantastic innovation
But it sickens me to see how things have gone since its creation
Now instead of just talking, which is what hands free was for
drivers are texting and tweeting, on Facebook and Twitter.
Will they ever get the message, will we ever change the trend
Or will I give in to road rage when they drive me round the bend

All of this goes on while driving at great speed
Speed limits a distraction, paid absolutely no heed
We all need to be more cautious, concentrate on safety
We must each one of us, drive more responsibly
Slow down, take more care, for the sake of you and me
Next time you are driving anywhere, please just take it HANDY!
© Damian Murphy DAMO! 2013