To Exist

by Christine Redderoth-Roderick
(Connecticut, USA)

Richard Diebenkorn

Jan oft sat by a window
to remember the life he let go by.
The missed opportunities
both professionally and personally.
Jan spent a good portion of his adult life feeling trapped
in the situations he had created for himself.
He often expressed those feelings in anger.
Anger that was misplaced.
Anger that was directed at others
but should have been turned on himself.
What if's had now become
the theme of Jan's life.
He read all the books and
listened to all the advice.
He knew he was the only one who
could control his own unhappiness.
Existence is change.
Jan oft sat by the window to
remember that he had ceased to exist.