TRYING, EXTREMELY TRYING!!

by DAMO!
(Dublin)

At long last I am legally separated
I have been officially liberated
And now that woman is my ex wife
I am going to be single the rest of my life
A wonderful feeling sweeps over me
With the realisation that I am now free
But why do I feel just a little bit scared?
Maybe I am not ready, just not prepared

It’s been six months now, worse than I thought
I cannot find the happiness I have constantly sought
And if there is one thing I have grown to hate
It’s friends surprising me with yet another blind date!
To be honest I do not stand a chance
I am not good with women and hate to dance
Though I have seen some ladies I would have liked to ask out
My nerves go to hell and I chicken out!

I have to admit I do not like being alone
But I would rather try sorting it out on my own
And though I know that my friends only mean well
Some of their blind dates were straight from hell!
Many of them I was pleased to send on their way
Just hoping the dog warden was not working that day
I will not use the word ugly, it is quite unkind
But now I know why they say “Love is blind”!

So I tried out the “Singles Club” scene
But got more depressed than I have ever been
There was so much pretence; the whole thing was a sham
I have never seen so much mutton dressed as lamb!
So I decided to give the dating agencies a try
And only found out how much people lie!
Then I thought I would have a go at Internet dating
But my lack of computer skills made it too frustrating
So I thought I might purchase a mail order bride
And I must admit the few I tried
Would have been happy to marry me, Yet;
I could not do it, they seemed so desperate!

I wondered what I was stressing myself out for
And resigned myself to the life of a bachelor
though when I’d see couples holding hands and kissing
I began to think that there was something I was missing
But then I met a woman one day on the bus
And something clicked between the two of us
We have being going out now for almost a year
And I am sure that is wedding bells I hear!!